Milo’s Story

Milo’s story is a hard one to write, but it feels wrong to create a blog and not share the “why” behind it. In the fall of 2024 I was surprised by two lines on a pregnancy test, followed by my husband asking me to take one that said it in words! That one also came back “pregnant”, surprise surprise. Although we were a bit nervous, we stayed up all night talking and dreaming about what it would be like to be parents. 

The first week was bliss and I planned all the outfits I would make for our babe. Shirts, sweaters, overalls, and so much more! Two weeks after finding out about the pregnancy I had some bleeding. I went to bed devastated. After forcing myself to sleep I woke up to no new bleeding. An ultrasound confirmed a happy, healthy baby with a strong heartbeat. 

The next few weeks I had an uneasy feeling that I couldn’t get over. Still I started making my first article of clothing, a lovely knitted set from one of my favorite knitting designers. I had almost finished the first sleeve when I had a second ultrasound. I will never forget her putting the wand on my belly and hearing silence. She searched and searched but couldn’t find our baby’s heartbeat. We waited a week and I had a second ultrasound. At the second ultrasound we still could not find a heartbeat. My husband and I decided to have a  D&C so we could bury our sweet baby and so I could hopefully keep the job I started a week before. Two nights after the surgery I woke up bleeding and in serious pain. I went back to the ER and they told me the surgery left tissue behind and I was likely getting an infection. If they didn’t get it out I had a high chance of losing my ability to have children. I had a second D&C and a 48 hour hospital stay for antibiotics. 

After going home and going back to my new job, I hoped I would start healing and remembering Milo, not as a sorrowful story, but as a joyful one. Life had other plans. My doctor was afraid of a molar pregnancy so they had to do more testing than usual, resulting in us not getting to bury our baby. It felt like everything I had gone through with both surgeries was meaningless. There was a bright side though. The testing allowed us to figure out we had a boy and we got to name him, Milo. We got to learn Milo was perfect genetically and my hormones were the reason he passed. Which is an easy fix the next time I am pregnant. I

 I went home after learning this information filled with sorrow and hope. Milo’s unfinished sweater was calling out to me for some reason. I bundled up, went out on the porch and finished it. I marked the last stitch I had done while pregnant with a blue thread so I would always know. Then I continued on and finished it as a proclamation that I believed God would give me a baby to wear the sweater one day. 

As I write this it has been exactly 3 months since the first ultrasound and I can happily say that I have gotten to the place where Milo is a happy memory. Finishing his sweater was a major turning point for me. I never expected it to bring the amount of healing it brought me. My hope and prayer is that learning to knit and/or sew for your babies can be just as magical for you, in the good and the bad. 

Love, 

Milo’s Mom